Your Friendly Neighborhood Autistic-Queer-Lolita Writings About Their Life.

I don’t enjoy hating things, people or themes. I can dislike. I can be afraid. I can firmly disagree, but hate is not an emotion I experience much, especially in the Lolita fashion context. Still, there is this challenge – so I guess I will make it more into “10 things I experience uneasiness with in Lolita Fashion”.


Mr. Yan so dreamy? NOPE!

  1. Shoes
    I think shoes are one of my lifelong enemies. Not that I don’t like the general idea of shoes or something, some look quite good. The thing is – I have some orthopedic problems. My feet just don’t like me. I can’t wear heels. Even 3-4 cm heels can be really horrible for me. Plus, my feet dislike most kinds of shoes. When I buy shoes, it is up to them if I buy or not. Thus, I can’t buy shoes via the internet. I have one over the counter thing for making shoes comfortable, so I can walk around with my Bodyline white shoes for about 1.5 km without having to flinch (though the day after might be very painful). Luckily, most Lolita meetups don’t require much walking, but if they do, I plan on wearing my trustworthy Teva-Naot shoes, which my feet approves.
    And this is why I have 2 pairs of lolita shoes. And I almost exclusively use only one of them.

    Left: my black shoes (Teve Naot). Right: my white shoes (bodyLine).

    Left: my black shoes (Teve Naot). Right: my white shoes (Bodyline).

  2. Human behavior
    By “human Behavior” I mean all the shit that you can find in the lolita community. I experienced some of this shit as well; I was sexually harassed in a meetup (A Lolita grabbed my breast without my consent), was posted on CGL, dialed with some transphobia, and had some silly fights with people, most of the time because I ment one thing, and they understood something else.
    These experiences were not nice at all.
    Yes, I did some shitty things too. Probably I still have lots of “ita” coords.
    Human behavior is hard and complicated, and people do sometimes shitty things. I believe that most of the time they do them because everybody can make mistakes. I think I can make things better for me and others in the community, but this will take time.
    It took me some time to feel confident again in my community, and I am glad that I feel welcome again. Nowdays I know better how to deal with needless drama, and also how to be more kind.

    CGL is not all bad, but in my case, it wasn't nice at all.

    CGL is not all bad, but in my case, it wasn’t nice at all.

  3. Angelic Pretty
    I just don’t like their style. They have some interesting blouses, and some of their non-print designs are very nice, but most of their things are just “not my thing”. I find that their pieces are disharmonious in my eyes.
    I am very happy for the people who like them, though, and I am always happy to see AP coordinated well.

    Angelic Pretty logo. I have nothing against them, i am just not into their designs.

    Angelic Pretty logo. I have nothing against them, I am just not into their designs.

  4. Empire Waist dresses
    I have a tiny upper body and a big butt. It used to be so big it gave me some extra puff 🙂 (smile). I lost some weight in recent years (not on propose, thought), but my proportions are still the same. I just look hideous in empire waist dresses, and I have no idea how petticoats work with them.
    So yeah, not for me.

    Double Edged Lace Tiered JSK. Cute, but not on me!

    Double Edged Lace Tiered JSK. Cute, but not on me!

  5. Prints that are actually one piece of a big old drawing
    I never managed to finish reading the book “The Lady and The Unicorn“, but I do remember  that someone said in the book that a tapestry should be pretty from afar and from near. That if you stand far from it you can adore the whole picture, and if you stand near it you see all the small details, and are not overwhelmed by the huge drawing. My take on Lolita fashion is quite similar. I like to see both the whole coordinate, but also, to see all the little details and patterns – and thus the importance of high quality lace and fabrics. That is why, in my opinion, big drawings, that should be looked from far, are not a really good choice for a print on a Lolita dress. They can be coordinated well – and from far they look lovely, but I find them to be overwhelming from near, because of the big details.

    Amour d'amants robe JSK by Juliette et Justine

    Amour d’amants robe JSK by Juliette et Justine, I am looking at you.

  6. Impracticality
    Lolita coordinates are so pretty and puffy, and… expensive. The puff means that you can knock things off without noticing. They are so pretty and expensive that I am afraid to ruin them by climbing on trees, or eating Falafel in a Pita (a common street food in Israel), or just touching something dirty, like… I love to do when I wear my regular clothes. Some time ago, I got my white sock dirty while wearing Lolita, and it was so unpleasant. I only thought how to hide or get rid of the stain till I got home and could put it in the wash.

    Falafel in a Pita, No' 1 enemy of Israeli Lolitas.

    Falafel in a Pita, No’ 1 enemy of Israeli Lolitas.

  7. Crosses and over religions themes
    Living in a non-christian country means things like crosses and other religious symbols can be viewed differently when in countries where it is the part of life. People can get offended by crosses in Israel (due to historic reasons) or assume you are christian, which can mean you might be harassed for that. Also, in Israel their is a lot tension between religion and secularism, meaning that every little thing can open a debate about stuff. Also, it just feels wrong, to disrespect a religion by using it’s symbols and teams for aesthetic reasons that has nothing to do with faith. Keep religion out of my cloths.

    Holy Lantern JSK by Angelic Pretty. To me it looks like wearing a church.

    Holy Lantern JSK by Angelic Pretty. To me it looks like wearing a church.

  8. EMS
    It is not fast (once took me over a month). It takes tons of money for “custom fees” (and additional 35 ILS for just receiving the package, if it is over 75 USD they can take 300 ILS without blinking). It means phone calls from the mail services, and it generally sucks. Maybe EMS is great in other places, but I just despise them.

    EMS, I hate you so much!

    EMS, I hate you so much!

  9.  Ironing
    Their is a russian saying that goes like this: “любишь кататься, люби и саночки возить” or in English “If you love to ride the sleigh, you should love to carry it as well”. the phrase itself is usually translated as “No pain, no gain”.
    I don’t mind ironing my clothes that much, actually. The problem is that it can take a long time to do so, and that I have to do it every time. I can’t just wear Lolita whenever I want to. I have to iron the garments first (even if I try to hang them as neatly as I can in the closet). Some garments are better then others, especially if they are not 100% cotton, but this can still be pain in the ass, especially if I am in a hurry.
    What I try to do is to iron my coord the day before, or start getting ready to going out at least 2.5 hours before I have to go out (or 4 hours if I want to put some makeup as well).
    So yes, I prefer to iron on the day before.

    “Ironing man” by Commission Tim

  10. Other stuff!
    Things I don’t want to elaborate about like noisy restaurants in meetups (all of them, a hell for me as a person with SPD), people stopping me (as a part of a group) to ask about lolita fashion when I just want to go and pee, people taking photos without permission (Just ask! I will probably pose and smile!) and the weather.  The weather is always an issue.

But in the end of the day, I just LOVE Lolita fashion, even if sometimes some parts of it are not as nice as I want them to be. Or else, why am I writing this blog post?

I 💝 Lolita fashion!

I 💝 Lolita fashion!

This Blogpost was moved to Medium, due to this blog changing into a Lolita only blog.
Now it can be found here.

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Disclaimer: If you think this post is about the book Lolita (by Vladimir Nabokov), this post will dissapoint you, because it is not about the book at all. I really liked the book itself, because it is a good book (I think it is horrible too, I was actually horrified by the idea that there could be people who will act like that towards children). Actually what I am going to talk about is Lolita Fashion, which have very little to nothing to do with the book.

As I said at me previous post, Lolita fashion is one of my current special interests, and frankly, it is hard to say why I love it so much. There is something about it that just captured my “heart” and made me fall head over heels with it. It is not the kind of love you feel towards a person, but the kind of love that you feel when you learn and create things, special things.  I find it hard to explain. I mean, I can try to explain why I love Wolverine so much (another special interest), and I guess that my current obsession with autism has quite obvious reasons. But Lolita?
Well, thing is – it became a special interest that surprised even me. I wasn’t expecting that at all.

Well, Wolverine it is. Or at least, me showing of while making wolverine Cosplay.

Well, Wolverine it is. Or at least, me showing of while making wolverine Cosplay.

  1.  The overall ascetic: 
    I find it hard to explain in words what exactly Lolita fashion is, but it is very clear to me nevertheless. Sure, we all can talk about the doll-like look, the Victorian and rococo inspiration or the volume of the skirt, but for me it is not the answer. There is just something…magical in the overall ascetic, the “wholeness” of an outfit that combines elegance, child-like princess fantasy and the attention to detail and overall themes, dark or sweet or just fun that makes me just love that fashion so much.

    Innocent World. GLB Vol. 25, 2007.

    Innocent World. GLB Vol. 25, 2007. And if you know where I can find this dress, please tell me.


  2. The second hand market
    Although it became easier then 10 years ago, purchasing Lolita fashion is still not as easy as going to the local store and buying some clothes (which, for me, in not easy at all anyway). Buying it from the brand site is not that easy sometimes, because even knowing your measurements may be not fool-proof. Plus, Lolita fashion is expensive. And some people are just not really good with buying stuff online. In addition most people, sadly,  find the idea of buying and wearing second hand clothes may even repulsive, but if you want to buy the dress of your dreams or get a “brand” piece for a reasonable price, probably you will have to buy it second hand. It can save you time, money, nerves and also the hardships pf buying online (if you buy from a person in your local community). It brings lolitas together, it makes communities stronger, it also helps new lolitas into the fashion. What there is not to love about buying second hand?
  3. The variability of prints and designs
    I don’t think I’ve ever thought that such variability in designs could exist for similar pieces of clothing in nowadays fashion. I mean, most of the clothes designs I see around look quite the same, especially if some of them are fashionable right now. But Lolita fashion? It is an explosion of different prints, colors, cuts and designs. So much kinds of lace with a thousand ways to use them on the same basic dress! So much variability in different kinds of prints, even about the same theme! Lots of different extras that can make every skirt into it’s own world of wonder!
    There are not so meny fashions that are like that.

    Left: "Deers in the Mist" JSK by Long Ears and Sharp Ears' Studio in black Right: "Enchanted Fawn" JSK By Haenuli The theme of the dresses is very similar, but the differences are striking.

    Left: “Deers in the Mist” JSK by Long Ears and Sharp Ears’ Studio in black
    Right: “Enchanted Fawn” JSK By Haenuli in dark grey
    The theme of the dresses is very similar, but the differences are striking.


  4. The complexity and “wholeness” of an outfit
    Coordinating an outfit is not easy at all, even if it is a decent one and not “perfect”. You have to keep in mind the whole theme, the look you want to make, the different colors and shades and the way all of this work with your body. One can argue that it is the same with mainstream fashion as well, but with mainstream fashion it just doesn’t work for me. The variables are too confusing, and you have to think not only about what you like but also what others will think that looks good. Also, Lolita coordinates are somewhat more complex and full of many little details I can obsess about while lying in bed at night or walking around in my civilian clothing. And all of this just to create an outfit that feels whole, that when you look at, you can see the different pieces tie together to tell some kind of story made of colors, lace and bows.
  5. Headdresses
    When I was first introduced to Lolita fashion headdresses weren’t fashionable at all. I am not sure how or why, but it took some time till I feel in love with these weird pieces of lacy cloth for your head. One day something between me and them just clicked. Because in a way, headdresses are in some way the spirit of the fashion – high quality lace, an illusion of modesty (some religions Jewish women use somewhat similar accessories to cover part of their hair to mark them as married), lots of little details and of course they are totally impractical and very bold. This is why I love them.

    acc064 Headdress by Bodyline

  6. Stimming while wearing Lolita
    I am autistic. And that also means I engage in some repetitive behaviors called “Self-stimulatory behavior” or “stimming“. Which means I flap my hands, jump in place, hum, stroke my clothes,  braid my hair or chew on something. This is important to me because it helps me to stay focused and express my feelings. But what does it have to do with Lolita? For me, it means I can stroke the lace on the dress, “trace” around the print on the fabric or jump and see my dress jump with me, looking like a huge jelly fish. It makes stimming more fun, more relaxing. I don’t really know why, but stimming in Lolita is 10 times better then in my regular clothes. I guess most lolitas wouldn’t get it, but it is OK. This post is about the things I love in the fashion, and I guess everyone loves it a bit differently.
  7. The SOFT lace and fabrics
    Speaking about being autistic (It is the last time I speak about it in this post, I swear!), itchy fabrics and lave are big deal for me. I wore my fair share of uncomfortable clothing because I wasn’t allowed to decide what I wear till several years ago. I hated wearing fancy and itchy dresses, scratchy fabrics and overall discomfort in a form of a pair of jeans. I cannot say Lolita is the most comfortable fashion to wear, but the fabrics are never itchy and the lace is always soft and nice on my skin, unlike the one that is found on everyday clothing, and I LOVE IT!
  8. Socks!!!
    I think I own about 20 pairs, and I don’t remember how many tights. Actually, I estimate the numbers because I never counted them. I know some have more socks then me, but still you can tell I am slightly obsessed with socks. I think that the right socks can upgreade an outfit from perfect to magnificent. I know some people feel that way towards shoes (I own 2.5 pairs of loliable shoes) but lolita socks are much better. They come in an endless verity of  lengths, patterns and textures, with or without lace, cute prints and sometime even some chocolate frosting (hopefully, not the eatable kind). Plus, they tend to be quite cheap, and are fairly easy found at local stores or eBay, and sometimes, large brands also sell them for a really good price (like my newest Innocent World socks, costed me about 30 ILS, which is totally reasonable for Lolita socks with high quality lace.


    Black knee socks with white lace – an old school beauty.


  9. Parasols and Umbrellas
    As some of you may know, I live in the middle east, and here things are … different then in other places. For starters – the heat. It is really hot here (and sometimes really moist too) all year, and if the temperatures decrease lower then 10 degrees Celsius, the whole country panic (because people begin to die). At the first droplets of rain all the roads are folded and… well… you get me. It is bloody hot here. And for that, a parasol was invented. In Lolita fashion it is totally acceptable to walk around in an umbrella (as a parasol) during any time, unlike in other fashions. And you are not afraid that people will stare at you because you played it smart and went out with a portable shade, because… they will be too busy staring at how weird you are dressed. Plus, umbrellas are lovely, especially in Lolita fashion. They have ruffels and cute prints and can be worked into almost any coord, while adding some elegance and a useful weapon at once.

    Umbrella - a weapon, a portable shade and your best Lolita friend.

    Umbrella – a weapon, a portable shade and your best Lolita friend.


  10. Feeling and looking like from another time
    Lolita Fashion is a modern fashion. It is influenced by some parts of the Victorian, Rococo and even the 50’s fashion, but it is an influence – not the source. Still, you can’t just not feel that something about wearing it is just so different from the modern point of view on how people should dress. Something about it’s feeling is just too different. I can’t put my finger excectly on what it is, but when I wear Lolita coordinate I feel like a visitor from another unspecific time, and that feeling is really magical for me.

Thanks for reading!

This Blogpost was moved to Medium, due to this blog changing into a Lolita only blog.
Now it can be found here.

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This is a guest post by Erin Roundy who wrote this magnificent analogy to what executive dysfunction feels like, using one of my favorite childhood games – pick-up sticks (In Israel it is called “Dukim” – דוקים). In this game each player have to pull out color coded sticks without moving other sticks. There are various versions of this game, but goal is to score the most points, by picking out as many sticks as you can, and if you can – the one special 100 point black stick which makes victory much easier.
I humbly thank Erin being a guest in my blog.

Executive dysfunction and pick up sticks/Erin Roundy

I thought of an analogy for how my executive dysfunction slows me down.

A container of multi color pick up sticks, each stick representing a task, a project, or an obligation that needs to be done. Inside the container the sticks are kept just as the knowledge of what I need to do is all tucked away somewhere in my mind. But to accomplish these tasks, I must follow the rules of the game (not sure if that has sense metaphorically?) and to deal with the tasks I must dump it all out of my brain like the sticks onto the table. They are scattered and overlap each other in a pile, and according to rules, you must pick up each designated color stick without moving the others.


Image description: A wooden box of the game “Pick-Up Sticks” with its content (long plastic sticks of various colors: yellow, green, red and blue) in a pile on a wooden surface.

This is how it feels as I sit and look at this intermingled mess of everything I need to do at once, and now I need to try really hard to not let that overwhelm me, and focus on finding that stick (task) that lays on top as first priority, then the next, and so on. Looking for each next task needing to be done takes careful analyzing each time to determine if it is the top priority (stick) and how it is connected to affecting other sticks (tasks) in a way that would end up holding me back further if I focus on accomplishing the wrong task first, all while being overwhelmed by being aware of the rest of the scattered tasks. Maybe there’s a really important one at the bottom of the pile.

Anyhow, this was the best analogy I could think of, and its not that I am not capable of accomplishing each of these tasks in and of themselves, but the process my brain goes through (it’s got a mind of it’s own. lol) is really what slows me down. I sometime get stuck just analyzing the process to understand what steps I need to take first and next, and constantly not knowing what should be priority, that I find my body not always participating in my endeavors to actually just get things done.

I really want to overcome this. I don’t know if I understand how my brain works enough to know how or if I can. All I do is the best I can do, little by little and as long as it takes me. Maybe I’m not able to do everything important in the time I need to for my well-being, I just make as much effort as I can until I hope it gets easier.

This Blogpost was moved to Medium, due to this blog changing into a Lolita only blog.
Now it can be found here.


This Blogpost was moved to Medium, due to this blog changing into a Lolita only blog.
Now it can be found here.

View at

Without further adieu, lets start!


Yes, I am watching Sailor Moon nowadays.

  1. Lolita fashion is one of my autistic “special interests”. My obsession with it is not as huge as it was about a year ago, but I still find it to be a very relaxing interest. Looking through some lolita outfit pictures, browsing TaoBao, Bodyline and Innocent world websites, thinking about new outfits, altering my dresses, making a Lolita accessory or just stroking my garments has a very soothing effect on me. Sometime, even looking at a picture of a dress can really calm me down and even give me a spoon or two.

    Green Garden Chiffon JSK By Magic Tea Party Look at it, doesn't it make you feel happy?

    Green Garden Chiffon JSK By Magic Tea Party
    Look at it, doesn’t it make you feel happy?

  2. My local community is not really big, but it is quite diverse, including people with different sexual and romantic orientations, Trans and non-binary folks, disabled people, kinky people, people of color, immigrants and also some hetero-cis people too. The community is quite accepting, and most of the time there is little to no drama.
  3.  In my bubble, I don’t really notice people staring at me while I wear Lolita. I know some people do because I am told by my sister that people stare. I just don’t notice.
  4. I wear lolita to kinky places and parties (and parties in general), and people really like it and are very respectful.
    Some of my friends think that I look quite sexy while wearing lolita, and as long as they are respectful towards me, I even enjoy it. I don’t find lolita fashion as sexual, but if others do, and they understand I don’t see it as sexual, all is well.

    Canon EOS 20D009-1

    Photo by Barak Brudo. Skirt by Bodyline, everything else is offbrand.

  5. I find it weird that people are excited about my hand made embroidered accessories. For me, embroidery is just like drawing, but with thread and needle.
  6. In my local community JSK without a blouse or a bolero is considered to be acceptable Lolita coord during the summer, because it is really really hot here.  Although it is considered acceptable, it is not a common view.
  7. I was never told anything about Halloween, because it is not celebrated in Israel. Though comments about Purim are pretty common…
    Also, being called “snow white” is something that happens here a lot, even if you wear all black.


    In this, you will be called Snow White for sure! (Dress by Infanta)

  8. During summer I wash my blouses after every use. I can’t imagine how it is even possible not to do that…
  9. In my lolita bubble, I am known to be “The one who is obsessed with green”. If it is green, and it is lolita, probably it is in my wishlist. The magic tea party dress from before is actually one of my dream dresses (and I am lucky to own it too).
  10. I usually wear classic lolita, but Gothic and Old School are also among my favorites. And when I wear sweet lolita, it is always green (not mint green, mind you. It is nice, but I prefer more natural shades of green).


Thanks for reading!

Apparently, I don’t have enough going on my life right now (and I don’t want even to start talking about all the unfinished projects I am working on) because I decided to try out the 30 Days of Lolita challenge. Yay!

I am not going to post every day Because the fact that I manage somehow to eat 3 meals almost every day is a miracle by itself.
I will link to the challenge posts every time I write one, and I hope I will end up doing at least half of them.

Now, please tell me – what are the posts you are most looking forward to read in the challenge?

The list:

  1. 10 things about your lolita bubble.
  2. 10 things you love in lolita.
  3. 10 things you hate in lolita.
  4. 10 different kinds of food you like.
  5. 10 items from your wishlist.
  6. 10 things you can’t live without in lolita.
  7. 10 people who inspire your lolita style.
  8. 10 songs that inspire you for lolita.
  9. 10 things you will never do in lolita.
  10. What’s in your bag?
  11. One day in your lolita life in pictures.
  12. A picture of yourself before lolita came in to your life.
  13. A picture of your favorite sweets.
  14. A picture of your dream item.
  15. A picture of your last lolita purchase.
  16. Your outfit for the day.
  17. What do you want more than anything right now?
  18. A picture of your favorite lolita style.
  19. What’s in your make-up bag?
  20. A picture of a lolita friend.
  21. Your favorite fictional lolita.
  22. A picture of your room.
  23. A picture of your handwriting.
  24. A picture of you from a meet.
  25. Your favorite lolita themed artwork.
  26. Your Facebook profile picture.
  27. One song that fits your favorite lolita style.
  28. A picture of the perfect lolita location.
  29. A picture of a lolita you would love to meet for real.
  30. A photo of yourself taken today and 3 good things that’s happened over the last 30 days.

Wish me luck and success!


Photo by: Assaf Sagi


This Blogpost was moved to Medium, due to this blog changing into a Lolita only blog.
Now it can be found here:

View at